by Lori Hoeck,
via Think Like A Blackbelt
This is a decently extensive list, which is something I tend to look for when I’m re-posting something. I like lists. I like lists that contain a whole lot of information even more. If you’re new to the idea of narcissism and are just doing preliminary research about it, this is a general but informative place to start:
– A sense of superiority places them above others
– Must be the center of attention, constantly seeking approval, acknowledgment, kudos, accolades, praise
– Act like they are the lead character in all things in life
– Dominate conversations because they believe they have the only worthwhile things to say
– Want others to give into their demands, request for favors, and put their needs first
– Have inflated egos, inflated sense of entitlement, inflated sense of importance, inflated need to be center stage
– Envious of other people’s accomplishments and will steal, lie, or sabotage others to get attention back to them
– Envious of other people’s possessions, they will put such ownership down or minimize it to make themselves look more noble
– Search for constant approval and praise to reinforce their false grandiose sense of self, they’re “on- stage,” dominating the conversation, often exaggerating their importance
– (Since the self is so fragile — an ever crumbling construction of their ego) — use power, money, status, looks, supposed past glories (or supposed future glories) to boost their image
– See criticism as baseless attacks or betrayal and countered with cold-shoulder anger or rage or chilly stares or verbal attack.
– Can never accept blame. Others are always to blame.
– Feel being center of attention is good, right, and proper
– Have a grandiose sense of self-importance
– Think they are special, God-touched, or privileged
– Think they can only be understood by other special or high-status people
– Have unreasonable expectation of favorable treatment
– Believe they are beyond the rules. Laws do not apply to them and remorse is only felt when someone catches and confronts them.
– High maintenance because they need your attention, praise, and deference
– Fake sweetness, honor, and good intentions, but deprive them of something they want and look out as they reveal their true selves.
– Express grand, exciting plans, but rarely can make them happen
– Blame others rather than take personal responsibility
– Lack of empathy colors everything they do.
– May say, “How are you?” when you meet, but they are not interested
– Their blame-shifting creates defensiveness. Then they belittle the defensiveness: “Why are you so angry?”
– Since they shift blame so well & seamlessly, your guilt/insecurity issues stay raw and over-sensitive.
– Lend you a hand up, then subtlety cut off at the knees to keep you indebted & coming back.
– If you point out an error they made, they go into defensive mode counter any such notion with anger, venting, rage, cold-shoulder, or withdraw
– Give you a metaphorical rug & then keep pulling it out from under you
– They are: blowhards, braggarts, blusterers, brow-beaters, bullies, big-headed, and ultimately bogus.
– Help you gain certain skills/info/connections, but then forever make you feel beholden to them.
– Extremely skilled at making anyone under their influence crave their approval.
– Make you feel special & then emotional distance themselves in ways that keep you unsure of yourself.
– Use a judgmental “you’re OK”/”you’re not OK” yo-yoing to keep you off-balance & “blameworthy.”
– Groom people via manipulation (charm/rage combo) to sell their reality/rationalizations to others.
– Virtually all of their ideas or ways of behaving in a given situation are taken from others, people they know and perhaps think of as an authority.
– Their sense of self-importance and lack of empathy means that they will often interrupt the conversations of others.
– Expect others to do mundane things, since they feel too important to do them
– Constantly use of “I”, “me,” and “my” when they talk.
– Very rarely talk about their inner life, memories and dreams, for example.
– Lie, using subterfuge and deception as tools
– Are stuck in one level of maturity where growth is not an option
– Only have eyes for “me, myself, and I” instead of “we”
– Don’t understand empathy, except to fake it as a tool
– Play “Give to get” by being nice or helpful only to expect reciprocation
– Put on the air of “having it all together” and will not readily admit failure or weakness
– Jump to defensive mode readily and frequently
– May apologize, but it doesn’t mean a real change in behavior
– Run from their own problems rather than tackling them
– Demand your trust rather than being transparent and earning it
– See you as extensions of themselves and resist your freedom
– Create stories, euphemisms, sayings, definitions, rules they hold up as Truth. Their world is false.
– Must talk about themselves & be in control. They want you to just be an ego-stroking entity for them.
– Find personality weaknesses & exploit them as easily as you & I ride a bicycle.
– Will rarely listen to or respect your “No”
– Take advantage of others to reach his or her own goals
– Appear tough-minded or unemotional
– React to criticism with anger, blame-shifting, shaming or humiliating others
– Fail to recognize people’s emotions and feelings
– Exaggerate achievements, personal history or talents
– Are unpredictable in mood and behavior
– Become aggressive, hostile, verbally vicious, or withdraws when threatened
– Can vocalize regret for a short time when found out, but soon rationalizes it away
– Appearance is important, so primping or fastidiousness is common
– Withdraw or a cold shoulder is used as a tool to make you do what they want
– Rationalize everything to make sure they always come out on top
– Will steal an idea, quote, lesson plan, piece of wisdom — call it their own
– Groom underlings and create organizational or business environments to suit their need for ego stroking
– Create Employment Hemorrhage — narcissists drive people away with inconsistent, raging, and arrogant actions.
– Tend to be a lot of talk — fantasizing about power, success and attractiveness
– Can suck up to bosses while talking down to those they think inferior
– Expect others to go along with them because their plans are better or special
– Expect constant praise and attention
– When work or plans fail, will blame others and make it sound plausible
– Will take advantage of co-workers
– Will be jealous of others’ success but wear a face of confidence
– Play the “If you don’t like it I’m taking my ball and going home” game
– Exaggerate abilities and uses blame-shifting to cover deficits
– Can’t understand “There is no ‘I’ in ‘TEAM’.”
– Often argumentative, but arguments are convoluted, emotional, irrational
– They feel that the rules at work don’t apply to them.
– They will always cheat whenever they think they can get away with it.
– If you share workload with them, expect to do the lion’s share yourself.
– They love to delegate work or projects and then interfere by micro-managing things
– If things go well, they take the credit; if the work turns out badly, they blame the person they delegated it to.
– There tend to be higher levels of stress with people who work with or interact with a narcissist, which in turn increases absenteeism and staff turnover.
– They get impatient and restless when the topic of discussion is about someone else, and not about them.
– Value religiosity’s rules or business protocol over spiritual growth.
– Take pride in their own righteousness and rightness.
– Attempt to belittle any version of reality that conflicts with theirs.
– Can’t believe they make mistakes.
– Have an inability to feel or process or truly understand shame.
– Create scenarios to discover your weakness or fears to manipulate later.
– Don’t use language as communication. It’s for hiding, deflecting, avoiding, masking, & manipulating.
– Their charm is false. Contradict them a few times & you’ll feel their out-of-proportion narcissistic rage.
– Their conversations & interactions aren’t meant to enlighten, but to confuse, control, & create drama.
– Are black holes, working to get time, money, or talent from you.
– Expect you to lend a listening ear and give votes of approval.
– Use emotional withdraw to create guilt and compliance.
– Will use the parental or child role to get what they want.
– Will betray secrets to feel more powerful.
– Can use flattery or sickly-sweet protests of innocence like a stealth weapon.
– Use verbal skills to block or deflect being confronted.
– Impact our lives negatively despite appearing to have some positive effect.
– Their subconscious creates a false ego from which to relate to the world. They are their own avatar!
– Subconsciously real relationships don’t exist for them. We’re all just players on the narcissists stage.
– Their sole subconscious pursuit is to be seen as God’s gift to the world in a certain area or skill set.
– Early emotional trauma freezes their worldview at that age, making them immature, impatient, inconsiderate.